Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Not sure what is happening to me.

I don't know if this really belongs here but I need to talk to someone but there is no one to talk to. So I am writing it here instead.
From my previous posts you know I have various health issues including Aspergers, part of that is a lack of empathy. Also my lack of emotional connection to my family. I currently live with my grandparents, my grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer and doesn't have long to live. My grandmother has memory issues which continue to degrade over time. Possible Alzheimer or Dementia.
As society tells me I should care, I should feel something, I should SAY ANYTHING but ... I feel nothing when I know I should and I am ashamed of this yet there is nothing I can do to change this. You can't force yourself to care. So I just have to accept myself for who I am and the way I am.
What of my grandparents? Don't I owe them something? Anything? I don't know what to do for them or even if there is anything I can do. I am rambling now mostly because I am confused. So I will stop here. I just needed to talk about this and with no one to physically talk with this is my only other outlet. Maybe I will delete this post in the future if I find a better place for it.

Thank you for reading.