Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Physical health issues

I have been a mostly physically healthy person throughout my childhood into adulthood but around the age of 25 I started developing headaches which were a minor nuisance at first slowly grew over the years to constant crippling migraines everyday all day. (Which is one of the many reasons I haven't updated this blog till now. Sorry.) Piankillers don't work most of the time and when they do they barely take the edge off.
I have a lot of trouble staying awake so find myself partially unconscious for most of the day but never truly asleep. I constantly toss and turn and am fully aware of it, so my guess is that I am barely dozing at best and never really reach REM sleep which is where your body is able to get it's best form of rest.
I use a combination of occassional painkillers and rotated frozen icepacks when I am awake to deal with the pain as best I can. I'm not sure why but the ice packs help me stay awake that little bit longer and help me be a little more alert.
The worst part for me personally is being unable to concentrate, being in a constant drowsy daze. For me my mind is who I am. NOT my body. My body is irrelevant and so being unable to even use my mind for the things I want is very frustrating and upsetting. I have yet to find something that can help me with that. And no caffeine doesn't work. Trust me, I've tried all sorts.
Strangely though I can't stay awake during the daylight hours I CAN however stay awake much more easily during the night. Granted still in pain and with the usual drowsy daze I'm always in but rather than falling asleep every 2 to 4 hours I can sometimes stay awake for 6 or if I'm very lucky a full 8 hours before slipping into my usual fitful sleep. I'm guessing it has something to do with light sensitivity though I have always had an easier time of staying awake at night rather than the day so I cannot say that with all certainty.
Various other physical health issues which would turn this post into a novel I will forego writing about here. Suffice to say I find it difficult to live any other sort of life than the house bound hermit. Considering I prefer to be alone this isn't a bad thing. I just wish I could use my mind more freely than I can right now.

To be able to actually remember things both short and long term would be a wonderful thing to start with.